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“You don’t want them to think you’re rude.” The girl sullenly greeted them and returned her eyes to her lump of plastic. “You must forgive my daughter,” the mother continued to everyone. “She’s actually quite thrilled. She’ll never have been on television in such a starring rôle before. Indeed, before your fabulous new show there just weren’t any programmes which would be willing to film her in any kind of action. And don’t worry, Emma dear, I’ve heard about your tastes. Neither my husband or son have been invited into this film session, although my son in particular was ever so keen to get to know the lovely Maisie that much better!” The talk aspect of the interview was to actually occupy rather less than a quarter of the half-hour programme, but Delia’s replies to Emma and Maisie’s questions were very full and practised, providing detailed accounts of the sexual adventures she and her family had had, peppered with very homely and sensible advice regarding the less glamorous health. Amazingly she reappeared at the door. Who was going to be first to speak.Her.“My daughters knew all about the vicar.”So that sorted that out.“Sorry? What do you mean? They were desperately trying to get the information out of me this morning”“Little bitches, when I said you’d lied to me they said they knew all about that, so I assumed they already knew.”“That is what they wanted you to think. Divide and rule. Very clever. Surely you know what they are like by now. Where did they get it from?”“Granny, their father’s mum. Was he ever pissed off when she left them the house and money. Anyway, what other gossip is there?”“You have to promise not to tell.”By this time she had really perked up.“Cross my heart.”“Catherine is pregnant again.”“Oooh! I’m going to enjoy spreading that one.”“You just promised not to tell.”Her expression changed as what I had said really sank in.“You swine,” she yelled, coming up to me and starting to beat my chest with her fists, “you’ve done it again.”She burst.
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